My 31st birthday is fast approaching. It feels like more of a milestone than turning 30 did. Turning the big 3-0 felt fun like I was turning 18 again. I focused more on how I would celebrate than what the age signifies. For some reason, 31 feels slightly more serious – like I should have everything figured out. Plot twist – I don’t. And that’s OK. It’s also International Women’s Day today, so I wanted to do a bit of reflection and share some of the things I have learnt along the way. The focus on this day is often on success, and I think the biggest success in life is learning to love and accept yourself – flaws and all. So here are 30 things I have learned that helped me fully embrace the woman I am.
1. Your uniqueness is your superpower
When I was younger, I, like many people, had many hang-ups. I had moments where I wished I looked like someone else or wanted to change a characteristic to fit what I deemed ‘normal’. As I have grown up, I have learned to love those quirks.
2. There’s no such thing as ‘perfect’
I’m a perfectionist; there’s no doubt about it. I have very high standards for myself, which can have a very negative impact on my self-esteem and mental health. I have put a lot of work into it this past year. Life isn’t linear, so I’m trying to give myself grace.
3. Failing is a part of success
Fear of failure has hindered me in so many ways over the years. It’s taken me a long time to realise that the feeling of regret scares me more than failure. I now think everyone should fail forward; fail, learn and move forward.
4. You don’t need 1000 friends
The popular kid in movies is friends with everyone. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realised that’s unrealistic; whether you have 1 or 10 friends, quality is always better than quantity.
5. A problem shared is a problem halved
I’m chatty but have always struggled to share my problems with people. It comes from a place of wanting everyone to be happy and not wanting to burden people. I’ve realised that two heads are better than one for any problem.
6. Self-care isn’t superficial
Self-care is different for everyone. For one person, it may be popping on a face mask and having a quiet 5 minutes, while for someone else, it may be getting their hair or nails done. Whatever makes you feel good is self-care.
7. Comparison is the thief of joy
It’s hard not to compare yourself to others, especially when social media is involved. I try to remember that everyone’s on their own journey, and focusing too much on what everyone else is doing will only distract you from the important and beautiful things in your life.
8. It’s OK to be selfish
Sometimes, you have to be selfish to protect your boundaries and your mental health.
9. No is a full sentence
I’ve spent my entire life over-explaining to people-please. Sometimes, it’s OK to say no and nothing else.
10. Learn your love language and share it
There are 5 love languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Understanding yours and sharing it with the people closest to you will help you to strengthen your relationships. Mine is acts of service!
11. Communication is key
Sharing how you’re feeling with those around you is crucial, but talking to yourself is important, too. Take time to reflect and get to know yourself better; it’s essential for self-growth.
12. Mental health matters
Mental health awareness has taken strides recently, but there’s a way to go. Therapy is still a taboo for many, but in my opinion, we should all do it – it’s the gym for our brains!
13. You can’t always trust your gut
This goes against the status quo, but bear with me. As someone with anxiety, I can shy away from things easily. My brain senses danger, and my gut tells me to bolt. Sometimes, you have to be scared and do it anyway.
14. Not everyone will like you, and that’s OK
I’ve only accepted this in the last few years. My inner child has always craved approval. But everyone has different interests and personalities, and not everyone will gel.
15. It’s OK to have a sick day
I’ve always found it hard to have a sick day. I think it’s because I don’t like to wallow. That said, it is important to look after your body and allow it to recover. Your team will be fine without you for one day!
16. You don’t need motivation, you need discipline
Sometimes, you won’t feel motivated to do something, but discipline ensures you do it anyway.
17. You can’t be good at everything
When I was younger, I used to get frustrated if I was bad at something. Of course, some things need a little practice, but it’s important to acknowledge when to step back from something.
18. It’s important to have hobbies
Finding hobbies I love has helped my mental health. Not only are they a great way to de-stress, but they are also a great way to develop new skills.
19. Platonic love is underrated
Romantic love gets all the attention sometimes. Don’t underestimate the platonic love within your friendships.
20. It’s good to change
Someone saying ‘you’ve changed’ is coined as something negative. but it shouldn’t be; self-growth and evolution is exciting.
21. You either grow together or grow apart
This is true for all the relationships in your life. I’ve learnt to accept that both will happen, and that’s OK.
22. Surround yourself with people who lift you up
It’s easy to keep people around because you’ve been friends for years or feel like you should. But the truth is the people you choose to have in your life should make you feel good – life’s too short.
23. Pivot at any time
Not enjoying something? Pivot! You’re never too late or too old to start something new.
24. No one is making fun of you
The fear of being judged has stopped me from doing things in the past. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realised that everyone is focused on what they’re doing. So go to that new gym class!
25. Compliment people
Making others feel good or loved does wonders for the soul.
26. Get to know your body
It seems obvious, but for years I didn’t. Understanding how hormones, in particular, affect my mood has positively impacted my quality of life.
27. Success looks different for everyone
If you don’t dream about owning a Ferrari or having your own business, that’s ok. Success can be leading a healthy lifestyle or raising a close family.
29. Find a routine that works for you
You don’t have to get up at 5 am to thrive. Create a routine that works for you and allows you to be your best self.
30. Pat yourself on the back
It’s important to acknowledge your personal achievements – if you don’t, who will?
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